I still really miss you, Dad

Posted by Paul Anderson | Wednesday, June 17, 2009 @ 10:37 PM

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Today, I found the rough draft of the eulogy I wrote for my father’s funeral. He died five years ago today.

So I started reading it aloud to Mona and the oddest thing happened. I was overcome with emotion and couldn’t finish when I got to the middle of it. It was the part where I talk about how I was going through his books of inspiration for Alcoholics Anonymous and found the phrase “Letting go, letting God.” In my eulogy it was a theme to “let go” now — of grief. And although the first year without him was terrible as severe grief afflicted me, I turned a corner after that first anniversary and it’s been easier each day to accept that he’s gone. But today… well, I can’t really explain it. But perhaps it’s because Mona’s also got her own father on her mind these days. He died four years ago and, well, Father’s Day’s coming up and she wanted to support me today so perhaps the tears were not ones so much inspired by sadness but more by gratitude. I have let go of the grief for my father, but these days I’m so grateful for the positive memories I cherish.

I relished them all the more as I got an early start today on our Father’s Day package this year that will feature letters from our readers about their Dads. I love that annual feature. We do it for Mother’s Day as well.

But one of the letters really stood out. It was a tale from Jules Marine Jr. of Newport Beach who talked about his exceptional father and the 120-mile trek he made with Dad on foot to Palm Springs one year. You’ll love it when you read it this weekend. I guarantee it.

When I called Jules this evening to discuss setting up a photo of him with his family to run with the story, I told him about the anniversary of my father’s death and we commiserated a little. Turns out we have a lot in common. Both of our fathers were relentless workers and they both had to overcome alcoholism. And both did it in wonderful fashion, redeeming themselves and providing that inspiration to the rest of us that it’s never too late to turn your life around. One detail I found fascinating about Jules’ story was how his father quit working when he was 45 so he could spend more time with his young son. I wish I’d had that, but my Dad wasn’t as good at making money and since my parents were separated I missed him a lot. It’s probably why I spent so much time with him as an adult — making up for lost time. And I’m glad I did. I have such beautiful memories, more of which I may share closer to Father’s Day. Right now, though, I’m going to spend some time with Mona and we’re going to share some more stories about our Dads.

(P.S. I took that picture of Dad back in the 90s. He was doing his favorite thing — relaxing late into a Sunday morning in his pajamas with the newspaper and a huge mug of coffee.)

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4 Comments »

  1. Comment by antonia — June 18, 2009 @ 1:47 AM

    i like that picture above a lot. turns out your dad wasn’t only a nice guy, but also had great taste in wallpaper 😉 anyway, i’m glad i got to meet him a few years ago. and i hope you’ve got a good father’s day ahead!

  2. Comment by laurel — June 18, 2009 @ 7:07 PM

    dearest paul, i am so sorry for your loss. the next few days will be trying, but i’m sure that over the past five years, you have gone from mourning the loss of your father, to celebrating his life. i enjoy your tributes to your father and hope that you continue to share him with us for years to come.
    laurel.

  3. Comment by Bobbo — June 19, 2009 @ 1:59 PM

    Nice. I look forward to the article.

    See you soon buddy.

  4. Comment by Chris Caesar — June 19, 2009 @ 3:00 PM

    Nice posts on your Dad, Paul. Seems like he was a great guy.

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