Champagne wishes and caviar dreams
Remember that corny sign-off to Robin Leach’s “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” in the ’80s?
I sure do. It was one of those shows that I loved to hate. Frequently, I watched it with my brother and we’d scoff mightily at the D-list actors strolling through their “palatial estates” to show Robin and the world a glimpse of the high life. My brother and I are pretty good mimics so naturally it wasn’t hard to pick up Leach’s distinct cockney accent. In fact, for our friends a round of “dueling Robin Leaches” was often a must. It was cockney in stereo as we endlessly riffed on the cheesiness of that show, which represented to us all of the excesses of the ’80s that disgusted us. I was pretty serious about it . Sadly, I have to admit I came across a button in college that advertised that stupid Budweiser commercial from back then that featured Robin Leach and the beer company mascot “Spuds Mackenzie” and I took it apart so I could draw an international ban sign around ol’ Spuds. My girlfriend at the time thought that was hysterical.
Ah, memories. So when I’d heard awhile back from one of the copy editors here that our incomparable society columnist, Bruce Cook, used to work with Robin Leach I was fascinated. Sometime last year Bruce stopped in to get a new mug shot of himself taken for his column and I just had to press him for details. Turns out Bruce says he started the show with Leach and he had a terrific tale to tell about him.
For the first episode of the program, Leach sent Cook to Puerto Vallarta to interview Elizabeth Taylor. Now, Cook says he helped start up “Entertainment Tonight,” too, but getting La Liz to help debut a new show was quite a get. And she agreed to do an interview with an unknown guy like Cook? What are the odds? About zilch, pal, but that didn’t deter Robin Leach. He told her that Diane Sawyer was going to do the interview, which was in Puerto Vallarta so they could revisit memories of Richard Burton shockingly showing off his then-new girlfriend Elizabeth Taylor to the world while he shot “Night of the Iguana.”
“I showed up with a camera crew. I was 30 and a nobody so not surprisingly she asks, ‘Who are you?’ ”
Then came a tantrum that rivaled Liz and Dick’s play-acting tussles in “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” She picked up a handful of sand and hurled it at Cook, swearing like a sailor all the while.
“Oh my God, it was horrible,” Cook said.
Leach had all sorts of tricks like that, according to Cook.
Then it was my turn to tell Cook a story. When “Lifestyles” was still on the air I crank called a neighborhood nightclub as Robin Leach. Another brother of mine was on the other line.
“Hello, this is Robin Leach,” I intoned in that nasally accent. “We’re doing a special episode of ‘Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous’ for super station WGN and we’d like to feature your nightclub the swinginest spot in town!”
It was as if I’d told the guy who answered the phone that I was Ed McMahon and was coming over to give him a million bucks.
“Hold on, I’ll go get the manager,” he excited replied.
The manager came on and I went through the same spiel.
“That’s terrific. When do you want to come by with your camera crew?”
I intended to set up a day and time so I could wander by then and snicker. What can I say? I was a snot-nosed, bored kid.
But it was too much for my brother. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. He guffawed and we were busted. Man, I was steamed. But I let it go pretty quickly. After all, we had a good, funny story to tell. Some years later when the Jerky Boys hit it big I regretted not recording those crank calls.
I just had to trot out my mothballed Robin Leach impersonation for Cook. Know what he said? “Not bad.” That was nice. I mean, he’s an expert.